There are times in life when being alone and single can be particularly tough. We might find ourselves wondering what is wrong with us, why is that not me!
If we’ve been on the lookout for our special someone for a long time we might gradually have become less discerning. When we finally find somebody nice we may miss or choose to ignore signs that our new him or her isn’t right for us. What may be obvious to nearest family and friends is that you are too great for him.
Problems can Begin to surface when;
– We meet somebody who’s needing exactly what we are desperate to give. We might have a bottomless well of love, support, understanding, encouragement that has been undirected for quite a long time and now there is someone to care for, support and nurture. Check though.
If you’re beginning to feel uncomfortable or are seeing tell-tale signals that this pattern of behavior works well for him you need to call it out, push the pause button on the connection, ask them to act in a more independent way or indicate they seek treatment. It is when the situation gets permanently one-way and we are beginning to feel used and unappreciated we might begin to question if we are too great for him.
– It might be time to confirm our own behavior too. Are we training our new partner like we know what is best for them? Are we treating them as a mini-project, where we forecast that our guidance, encouragement and goal-setting can help them develop their potential and achieve incredible results. If that’s true, a much better question could be do they share those goals and ambitions?
– People bring different qualities and characteristics to a connection. Family and friends may wonder what’s happening, could be worried that their friend has been taken for a ride, is too great for their new spouse. They may be suspicious regarding the motives behind the relationship. But each individual brings their own attributes and contributions to a connection that are sometimes impossible to measure. It is important to maintain an appreciation of the subtleties that exist behind closed doors.
Some people today seem programmed to always be the people who take. They’re possibly badly damaged, suspicious of others, without the capability to reciprocate. If we do not set boundaries in state and place once we’ve given enough, we want a small caring in return, we might wind up feeling resentful as their sense of entitlement grows. When we allow the situation to continue that is our responsibility. Being good does not require becoming a doormat.
– Sometimes the very things that bring us at the beginning become the things that finally turn us off. The easy-going charmer might have appeared lovable, relaxed and enjoyable at the onset of our relationship. But over time we may despair at his lack of inspiration, his apparent laziness and lack of personal work or interest.
– We may tire at always being the person who makes plans, makes the money, wants to get on in life, makes the attempt to do new things. Discuss how you are feeling and maintain honest channels of communication open from where to negotiate improvements. But is it really him that is changed or have you simply outgrown the first unspoken foundation upon which your connection was constructed? Is it time to move on?
If we are compliant, at times unsure about what to say, fear any hint of confrontation or debate, are anxious or lacking in confidence about how to change things we might find ourselves accepting bad behavior. However, being good enough means reminding others of your value, your worth and that you deserve to be treated nicely. On a practical level you can remind them of everything you have done and teach them to love you; even the weekly actions, organising a social event, being the normal driver, are worthy of appreciation.
– Request for compromise. ‘I will do this to you but want you to return the favour and do this for me.’ Little steps at first can effect great changes and present a more evenly balanced connection with time. Be accountable for your boundaries and state when you think you’ve done enough.
When you change the dynamics of your relationship and insist on a more adult, balanced vitality everybody starts to act in a more adult manner. Celebrate your uniqueness and recognise that we are all good in our own way. These folks at Wildlife Removal Chattanooga know all about it.